[Shrek] Step Away From The Computer

As if it shouldn't have occurred to me before, I have come to the conclusion that the internet is full of stupid people. It matters not if they are actually that way or just chose to act like they have no brain, the end result is pretty much the same. Stupidity.

So I have devised a "true/false" test that everyone should have to pass before they are allowed to use the internet. Failure to pass the test would result in you being banned from using the internet until such time as you have gained enough intelligence to use and communicate with others on it.

Statement #1: I believe everything I read is true. If you answered "true" to this, you fail the test before going any further. The internet is chock full of stuff that isn't even remotely close to being true. So if you are so feeble minded to think that just because it's in print it must be true, I suggest you stick to coloring books.

Statement #2: Big companies will send me lots of free stuff for sending chain letters to everyone on my contact list. If you answered "true" to this, please remove me from your contact list. There is absolutely no chance that any company will send you anything for forwarding e-mails to your friends. This also goes for those e-mails that ask you to add your name to the list in protest of something and them forward to your friends. How exactly do you think that "protest" e-mail will get to the people you want to complain to?

Statement #3: I feel the need to respond to any forum post that even remotely disagrees with my point of view. If you answered "true" to this, you may be too far gone to be worth further testing. And going one step further, if you can't identify a moron by what s/he posts on a message board then you're no better than that idiot you're replying to.

Statement #4: I can tell just by looking who I can give my personal information to over the internet. If you answered "true" to this, you should save everyone the time and trouble and just take a cash advance on all you credit cards, empty your savings accounts, and give the money to the first stranger you see on the street. You should mortgage your house while you're at it too, no sense in not going all the way.

Statement #5: I reply to every spam e-mail so they won't send me more. If you answered "true" to this, you really are stupid. By replying you just confirmed someone is reading their e-mail, resulting in you getting more spam. Oh, you mean there's an "unsubscribe" link you clicked on? Congratulations, you just guaranteed you'll be "subscribed" to even more mailing lists.

Statement #6: I download everything that is sent to me in my e-mail or I love to add all those free screensavers to my computer. If you answered "true" to either of these, just throw your computer away right now. It going to become a paperweight soon and there's no reason to wait any longer before tossing it away.

OK, so to find out of you passed, add up all the "true" answers you have.

If you answered "true" even once, you fail.