[Shrek] Jury Duty

Last Monday I had the chance to take my turn at jury duty. I suppose I shouldn't complain as I hadn't been chosen for jury duty in over 12 years, but it really is one of those things I want no part of.

Now I understand that it is my civic duty to perform the task of jury duty, and I understand how important it is for the judicial system as a whole that folks serve on juries. The Massachusetts Constitution, largely written by John Adams, uses the word "sacred" just once. That's the word Adams used to described a person's right to a trial by jury of his peers. The fact that such a great man used that word to describe the process is proof enough that I should be much more enthusiastic about participating in it.

But alas, I just can't get that fired up about it.

My day began with Fiona dropping me off in front of the new courthouse here in Worcester, and with the memories of how terrible it was to navigate the old courthouse I was already grumbling my displeasure at the thought of trudging through a building I didn't want to be in looking for a room I didn't want to go to.

Luckily, they hired moderately smart architects. The Jury Room, which is on the third floor, is clearly visible from the entrance. After passing through security--which consisted of a young male security officer flirting with a young female security officer as I passed through a metal detector--it was just a minute or so of walking up staircases to get to the Jury Room. I saw signs for elevators, but as I didn't need them I didn't look to see where they actually were.

I intentionally got there early so I wouldn't have to wait in line at the Jury Room, and when I got to the room there was a few people already seated but no one waiting to check in. As I walked up to the desk the Court Officer greeted me with an unexpected smile and took my paperwork. He game me my juror number, #80 (it's on a piece of paper you're asked not to lose), told me to take a seat, and that there would be a presentation at 8:30am.

So I took a seat against the windows and started reading my book, Misconceptions by O.J. Simpson lawyer Robert Shapiro and Walt Becker. It's a suspense/thriller courtroom drama around the topic of abortion. It was pretty good...I recommend it if you find a remaindered copy.

So at 8:30am they play this presentation on the four mounted HD televisions about what you can expect during the day. The presentation is on video tape, which when you figure the HDTVs, makes little sense. Something that makes even less sense? The street in front of the courthouse was paved over before the cable TV wires could be run into the building.

I was tempted to discern what John Adams would have thought about that, but chose instead to continue reading.

In case you hadn't heard, there is no cafeteria in the new courthouse. So around 9am a coffee cart was pushed in for the jurors to purchase coffee, doughnuts, juice, etc., for a "nominal fee". Apparently my definition of "nominal fee" and theirs is a little different, and I chose to not plunk down higher than Dunkin' Donuts prices for smaller servings than you'd get at my favorite coffee place.

After reading for a while I got up and stretched a little, and after looking around suddenly something hit me. Nearly every person in the room was white. There we no African-Americans and no Asians, and there was only one person I could easily identify as being Hispanic. Not exactly reflective of the populace of any urban area I'm aware of.

Around 10am they called for Jurors #1 to #56 to go into Superior Court for jury selection. Within a half hour people not chosen for that jury slowly filtered back to the Jury Room. Somewhere around 11:30am they took Jurors #57 to #79 (anyone remember my number?) into District Court, and like before, folks that weren't chosen came back to the Jury Room. Knowing that lunch is at 1pm, and with the time approaching 12:30, I figured we were getting to the point of being home free.

Wrong. At exactly 12:30 every remaining juror was sent to Superior Court for jury selection. I figured it had to be something big because there was around 75 of us in the room. And big it was. Let's just say the victim was a child and the Defendant was a 50ish year old man.

Yeah, exactly what you're thinking...and now I know I really want no part of this. And then the judge says the trial could last until Friday...I really, really want no part of this.

At 1:25pm when we broke for lunch they had finally gotten 14 jurors seated--#76 was the last one seated. Because it was raining very heavily I called Fiona and asked her to bring me lunch because there was no chance I could get anywhere without getting soaked. When she arrived we drove around the block a couple of times as I ate.

As we talked, Fiona reminded me that we had a doctor's appointment Thursday afternoon. I'm glad she did that, because I had forgotten.

When we returned to the Jury Room at 2:25 and sat there for awhile, we were again brought into the same courtroom. I was wondering why they were doing that when it suddenly hit me--both sides could still challenge jurors! I wasn't home free like I thought, and was in fact going to be up to be seated in the next few minutes.

When my number was called I went to sidebar like everyone before me and was asked a couple questions by the judge. When I mentioned I had a doctor's appointment for Thursday, he asked me if I could produce an appointment card. I told him all I had to do was call Fiona and I could have one in his hand within 20 minutes.

I was excused! WOOHOO!!!!

When I got back to the Jury Room the Court Officer scanned my number and told me I was free to go. He didn't need to tell me twice, and I was quickly out of there.

So I'm free for at least the next three years. Far too soon if you ask me.

I've also checked the Telegram every day since to see if the trial was mentioned, but so far it hasn't been. Notice I didn't say "to see of he was found guilty", because I saw him sitting there behind his lawyers. I have no doubt he was guilty.

So much for his "sacred" right to trial by jury, eh?

[Shrek] Thanks for the mammaries

In the past couple weeks I've had a couple topics I wanted to share with folks but so far hadn't gotten around to it yet. But after yesterday one of those subjects popped up again, so I guess it was a signal that I should spend a few minutes and talk about them.

I like breasts.

I have always been a breast man, and make no apologies about it. I never judge a woman by the size or shape of her breasts, and I'm not one of those testosterone driven morons that stares at a woman's chest while having a conversation with them.

Fiona knows I'm a breast man and is very amused by it, even occasionally laughingly pointing out a pair that are worthy of such notice. Usually that "notice" is when the woman is wearing something inappropriate for the size of her bosoms. Or, in some cases, not wearing.

Fiona and I were in Target recently during the early June heat wave, shopping for some shirts for her as she had very few summer-weight tops. Well, perhaps more correctly, she was shopping and I was enjoying the store's air conditioning.

As I'm standing there feigning interest in the stuff Fiona is looking at, two college age girls come strolling by with their puppies running free. Observant as I am I noticed immediately, and determined they were the perfect size to be allowed to roam leash-less. They also decided to look at the same displays Fiona was looking at and were in my through line, so my interest became slightly less "feigned".

(For those that don't know what a "through line" is, it's the imaginary path that a golf ball would travel on should the putted ball go past the hole; or the path of continued trajectory of a bullet fired that missed its target. This will come as no shock that guys use it all the time to obscure what they're really looking at.)

Unfortunately, also in my through line was two older women of a slightly larger size that also decided on the hot day to let their doggies run free. They also both chose to wear tops that were not really conducive to folks that are not in decent physical shape. It was not a pretty sight.

So, as a person that has spent a lot of time noticing boobs of all types and sizes, allow me to make an observation for you that might help when choosing what to wear when going out:

If you're college aged and in shape, let the puppies run free. If your child is college aged or you're not in shape so much, tie those doggies down. Please.

Now about yesterday.

Fiona and I went to a cookout/graduation party for the daughter of a woman Fiona went to school with. As one would expect at such a gathering, there were several recent high-school graduates--all girls--along with a couple "drinking age" girls that are friends of the graduate's older sister.

Not knowing anyone at the party and not really seeing any group of folks I'd fit in with, I basically stayed close to Fiona, who herself only really knew a couple of folks at the party. We stayed in the kitchen area, mostly because that's where Fiona's friend spent most of her time preparing stuff during the party. The gaggle of girls was also there, but for except when they went into a mass-giggle they weren't really doing anything to attract attention to themselves.

After a while a friend of the host's shows up with his room mate. He's an older (50ish) gay man that we had met last year at a housewarming party, and is a very funny person that makes no bones about his sexual orientation. He is a touch "stereotypical" (although, aren't we all in one way or another?), and plays that up using humor. He's one of the few people I've met that I've actually thought would make a great stand up comic.

But at one point it got a little creepy.

Despite being a connoisseur of breasts, I think it would be a little odd for me to be starting a discussing of a girl's breasts when she's younger than my daughter. It just seems like one of those topics an older male--gay or not--probably shouldn't be bringing up addressing a group of young girls. Never mind doing it twice. I know I'm a pig when it comes to breasts, but I at least exercise a little discretion about it.

Although we did find out that one of the drinking aged girls--who was already "well served" at this point--had bosoms sized 36G (which I had guessed correctly in my mind) and has uneven nipples (even The Amazing Kreskin would have been lucky to guess that). She did have the common sense to tie those doggies up, although that may have been out of necessity as she may have fallen over forward had she not.

[Fiona] Father's Day

For anyone who has ever had to take care of a relative my deepest respect goes out to you. June 11th was the first anniversary of my mother's passing. It still sounds strange to me and some days I feel like the phone is going to ring and she will be at the other end crabby or laughing or in whatever mood she needs to share with me. It has been an odd year for myself and my dad. I have an older sister who lives in NY but her visits here are limited as she has her own issues to deal with and illness.

Dad and I do the best we can with what we have to work with. Sometimes he thinks it is Saturday all week long. At times he makes me chuckle with his antics and sometimes I cry. The best memories of my dad live in my head...young,strong,vital. He is not so strong anymore and not so young. He is more likely to remember fifteen years ago then this morning but he is my dad and I love him more than I am sure I can ever convey to him. I try to live for today and not think about a time that will someday come when I will have to be in this world without him.

It frustrates me that I can't make things "all better". Today is Father's Day. Tell the people in your life while they can hear it that you love them. I tell my dad every time he calls me, every time I see him, every time I need to. Dad I love you.

[Shrek] On to baseball...

With the New England Surge playing the last game of their regular season and the team opting to play its opening playoff game on the road, it appears that the Surge won't be playing another game this season in Worcester. Or if the rumors are true, maybe ever.

So now it's officially baseball season in Wormtown, and Fiona and I will be taking in our first game Saturday when the Sharks Boosters invade Fitton Field. We're doing the "all you can eat" cookout before the game. While Fiona won't be taking full advantage of the chow line, you can bet I'll be having enough for the both of us. When you consider what food and drink costs at a ball game, the $25 cost of the meal/tickets is a steal.

I used to be a huge baseball fan, but in the last few years I have become a little bored with the attitude major leaguers have. The fact that free agency has killed major league baseball to the point where it's the same teams every season adds to my boredom. Sure it's cool when the Red Sox win, but all things being equal I'd like to see how well they or the Yankees could do if there were a salary cap.

Actually, seeing how poorly the Bronx Bombers are doing this season with the highest payroll one has to think they can't do any worse with a lower one.

That's one of the reasons I like the Tornadoes so much. It's a bunch of guys playing hard for the love of the game. Can't ask for more for your money.

If you're interested in talking about the Tornadoes, you can go to tornadoes.mordel.net.

[Shrek & Fiona] Our date...

Fiona and I went on date Thursday afternoon, and we'd thought it would be fun to blog about it. As determined by a coin flip, Fiona fires first.

[Fiona: Afternoon Delight]
On Thursday of this past week Shrek and I ditched work in the early afternoon to escape into the cool dark of our local movie theatre and catch a flicker. Shrek and I have been together for a long time. We try to keep our relationship young and alive by doing things together. Sometimes it is just playing video games together, sometimes it might be going out to eat, or well you know married things that involve lingerie.

Shrek knows that I am a huge Harrison Ford fan so I have been dying to see the new Indiana Jones movie. I have to inject one thing here. Before our adventure could begin in earnest I first had to drop my laptop off at the local witch doctors to have its little ass kicked back into the world of the living. So after my laptop was safe off to the doctor's, Shrek and I were off to find a quick nosh and then to the movie house. We decided on our local 99 Restaurant. I will not bore you with the facts of our meal; suffice it to say it was hot and tasty and not too expensive.

Ahh, now to the movie. First in the fair city of Worcester a matinee costs $7.50. OUCH! Shrek and I paid the ransom to get in but skipped the popcorn and drinks seeing that our rent was due in a few days and, well, what can I say about the price of gas that you fair readers don't already know? We took seats in the back row...make out alley.

Remember when previews were fun to watch? I wish someone would tell me when they became commercials. It is a pain in the ass to have to wait for this schlock to scroll by. Yippee finally the opening scenes. The familiar music begins. I went into this movie with no expectations, except for the one I keep in my heart for my sweetie Harrison. I must say he has aged well.

The movie was fun to watch. It had everything about an Indiana Jones movie that I love and a bit more. It wasn't perfect and the story line had a few slow to should have been cut scenes but the refrigerator scene and the car/boat chase scene were well worth the price of admission.

[Shrek: We named the dog "Indiana"]
Fiona and I did something Thursday we don’t do very often--we went to a movie somewhere other than the West Boylston Cinemas. We went to Showcase North, and the movie we saw was Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

We’re spoiled by our favorite movie house because we’re used to going to a movie, getting a couple fifty-five gallon drums of Diet Coke, and ordering a dumpster full of hot freshly popped popcorn for under $20. Spending $7.50 each just to get into a movie--and a matinee at that--is completely foreign to us.

I am a huge fan of the Indian Jones movies, and when it was announced years ago that there would be a fourth installment in the series with all the major principals involved I knew there would be no chance I would miss it.

One would think that a sixty-five year old Harrison Ford would have issues pulling off the swashbuckling Indian Jones again, but Ford jumped back into the role seamlessly. The return of Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood from Raiders of the Lost Arc and the additions of Shia LaBeouf as “Mutt” Williams and the legendary John Hurt as Harold Oxley round out the cast of good guys.

Cate Blanchett also stars as Irina Spalko, a Russian agent looking for more crystal skulls. Ray Winstone rounds out the major players as George “Mac” McHale, and you’ll need a score card to keep up with whose side he’s on at any given moment. And as with the first three installments, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was directed by Steve Spielberg and the executive producer is George Lucas.

With all those cards in play it’s hard to think they could have made a film that’s so...average.

With the film set twenty years after The Last Crusade, Spielberg and Lucas have abandoned the 1930’s serial style the first three films used and embraced the B-movie style that was prevalent in the era The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is set in. It may have worked for a different character, but it didn’t work for Indiana Jones.

The previous Indiana Jones movies all follow the same basic formula--chases, followed by more chases, followed by even more chases. The action between those chases was really only a buildup to the next chase scene until reaching the end of the movie, which was an escape of the main characters from whatever evil had developed throughout the movie. The problem with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull there aren't enough chase scenes, and the escape scene at the end really left a lot to be desired. Also noticeably absent from the film is a staple of the franchise, the comedic banter. The earlier films had many “laugh out loud” lines, which is something The Kingdom of the Crystal is sorely lacking.

Like the other films, the story was pretty straight forward. The problem was it wasn’t very compelling. Never once did I really care about those crystal skulls, and the lack of any explanation as to why they had mystical powers--even after finding out what the skulls really were-- made them even less interesting. Now add the fact the humor the Indiana Jones scripts are known for was for the most part missing and what you have a film that missed its mark.

Had this been a movie that had nothing to do with the Indiana Jones franchise it might rank a little higher, but as with any sequel Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull needs to be compared to the movies that came before it in the series, and it falls short in comparison.