[Shrek] Insanity, Cheating, and Redemption

Fiona and I, along with friends Rich and Josie, bowled in the couple's league this summer at Colonial here in Worcester. For the most part, even though we bowled like crap for most of the season we had a good time.

For the most part.

Unfortunately, the league included an absolutely batshit crazy woman. And when I say "batshit crazy", I mean legitimately "eleven eggs short of a dozen" type of crazy. Add to her insanity the social skills of a seven year old and a more annoying voice than Fran Drescher, and you have all the makings for a huge explosion.

And that explosion came two weeks ago.

Our team--in next to last place and bowling the last place team--was bowling in the lanes right in front of the desk. So when I wasn't bowling I spent most of the night leaning against the desk shooting the shit with Bobby. While I was bowling the first five boxes of the third string something happened at the desk, that had I known about I would not have returned there when I was done.

When your match is over you fill out a yellow score sheet and turn it in at the desk. It seems that the crazy woman made a change to that sheet after it was turned in. Was she cheating as some were saying? Was she fixing an error that she says her daughter made? I don't know, and even to this minute, I don't care. What I do care about is what happened next.

As I came back to the desk from bowling, she accused me of cheating. "You cheat all the time and everyone catches you" were her exact words. My only reply to her was "excuse me?". She repeated her allegation. Twice.

I know exactly what she was doing. Because I have had it out with this crazy woman before she was hoping I would verbally defend myself so she could turn herself into the victim, shining the spotlight on me instead of her. There is no way she expected me to do what I did.

I walked away, laughing.

I went to tell my teammates what was happening so that they would know what was going on. Of course the team we were bowling heard me talking with my team, and they also began laughing. From that point on every single time someone got a good break the other team would laughingly accuse them of cheating. Seeing as gossip travels faster than the speed of light, it took absolutely no time for the whole league to know what she did and what she was saying.

For the record, I never told anyone about her changing the scores, only that she accused me and my team of cheating.

Fast forward to last Tuesday, and she was still making her accusation to anyone that would listen--or maybe more correctly--anyone she could corner and whine to. She was told by several people to keep her mouth shut, but as she has the mental power of a small child she just couldn't keep trying to deflect that spotlight off of her.

The team we bowled that week, who had been bowling next to us the week before, jumped right about the "cheating bandwagon" and began not only to accuse us of cheating when we got a good break, but also accused themselves of it. The two teams to our left were also doing it, so we had a great time that night laughing at each other--which if you think about it is the whole idea of the summer league.

Now the best part--I suspected we were going to bowl her team in the last week of the league (yesterday), so I asked Paul to check the schedule to see if I was right. And I was. So I made sure to let a couple folks know she had to bowl us yesterday.

As you may suspect, she was less than pleased to find out she had to bowl against us.

So after a few e-mails going back and forth between the four of us I decided I was going to take the high road--a path I don't normally take by the way--and just ignore the woman. Rich, on the other hand, decided that he'd had enough of her over the last couple years. He placed a bottle of white out and a couple of erasers on the scoring table.

He was also wearing a t-shirt that he made that had this picture on the front...



...along with the words "Super Cheater". On the back he had "HGH? Steroids? Eraser?"

When she saw it, she went nuts. She threatened to have Rich thrown out--which of course she didn't do because there was no chance of it happening. When Paul came down to ask Rich if there was going to be an issue, he calmly said that as long as she kept her mouth shut there wouldn't be any problems.

But, of course, being batshit crazy she couldn't, and after another outburst stormed off.

Our team went on to pound her team into the ground (they get to take her average at 100%, which is probably better than she would have gotten anyway), with me throwing the high triple of the season and was one bad box away from a 400 series. During the night several people came over and apologized to me because I had to put up with her craziness the last couple of weeks, and hoped it wouldn't keep us away next season. It won't, trust me on that.

What I am most proud of is my team, not for standing up for me, but for not letting the drama destroy what was a pretty fun year. I'm also proud of them because we didn't let it get to us, and over the last three weeks went from fighting to stay out of last place to ending up in fourth place and over .500 on the year after bowling so badly over a third of the season.

[Fiona] One of Those Days

Did you ever wake up and just know that it was going to be one of those days? Well this morning I just knew it was gonna be a day to remember. Most mornings I shrug it off and I must say that I did try to shake off that,"it is gonna be a shitty day feeling" but to no avail.

Today was not a stellar day. One of my dad's older brothers passed away. The water return on our toilet is leaking like an open wound. The bathroom sink is clogged. Oh yeah, I almost forgot I got stung by a bee about an hour ago. I take an allergy pill everyday but not today. I forgot.

Shrek and I never made it to work even though we went through all the motions to get us there. Like I said I just had a feeling this morning and about three quarters of the way to work...bam...car malfunction! Shrek and I called out of work from the side of the road and called our repair guy straight up! Well at least I can say that this part of our day turned out quite well as it was a small repair and not a piggy bank breaker,yippee!

I called my galpal earlier this evening as I needed a venting session followed by coffee. My gal pal and I try to walk her neighborhood at least once a week. It gets her away from her 4 wee ones and it gets me out of Shrek's way. I look foward to our walks as we chat about the stuff going on in our lives and we usually have a good laugh. We had just gotten back to her house when that stupid bee stung me! Somehow a bee landed on my left thumb and stung me at the knuckle.I was so angry. I actually yelled at the bee. "I can't believe you have the balls to attack me, you stupid bee! I've had a craptastic day! WTF!" I killed him. I am not sorry!

It is a damn wonderful thing that my galpal lives around the corner from a pharmacy! I placed a call to my MIL,nurse person, and asked her what I should do. I think the last time I was stung by a bee my stepdaughter was like ten years old. I have to honestly tell you I had no idea if I were allergic or not. A quick benadryl caplet and ice at sting location and I am just starting to feel better. The ice has returned my hand to a normal size. Thank you medication.

I felt this day was blog worthy and I am happy? to report that supper has not been an exception. I made Shrek chicken fingers and fries. I think it is only fair to tell you that as I prepared to put the fries into fry the bag split open from the bottom and I lost more than a few to the floor and trash bin! I am going to bed, bewitched,bothered and bewildered! I am through with you day!

[Shrek] Just being goofy...

[Fiona] Tuesdays with Papa George

I try never to brag about my mad bowling skills. In truth, I am just mad because I suck at this New England favorite way to spend an evening. Shrek and I bowl on a couples' league in the summer. He always says it is for fun, but you know that's a crock. It can get pretty cut throat.

To me the best part of Tuesday nights in the summer is stopping at Papa George's Pizza for a nosh before we go off bowling. Papa George's Pizza is located at 351 June Street in Worcester, Ma. It is owned by Stephanie and Panagiotis (aka Peter) Stratos.

Sometimes it is more than just about the food that you get at a favorite spot. First, let me say that the marinated chicken is the best I have ever had anywhere, any place. Trust me, I eat a lot of chicken so I would know. What I love about this place is the love that they put into their business. Stephanie and Peter are very picky about the ingredients that get used in the making of their masterpieces. Pizza, fish and chips, grinders, calzones, salads, chicken wings, homemade baklava , cookies, ice cream novelties. They have it all and do it all so well. Drop in sometime, place an order, get to know the folks. I know you will go back again and again. It is that good.

Going for food here tugs at my heart. It reminds me of going home to family. There is a mix of bickering, laughing, good times, great food, and people you love to be with. We are always welcomed with open arms and questions about our general well being. I ask you when was the last time you went out to eat and someone cared about how you have been?

Just recently Stephanie and Peter went to Greece for three weeks to be with their family.Waiting for them to return was like waiting for Christmas. Sheer torture. I am not great at waiting, especially when I know that something great is waiting for me to sink my teeth into. While they were out of country Shrek and I went to Elsa's Bushel and Peck...ok but not the same. Food without a proper dose of love is...feed.

[Shrek] Reunions, part deux

As I tell just about everyone, I am terrible at recognizing people. I am forever asking Fiona "is that so-and-so?" or "how do we know that person?". I'm even worse with names. People think I call folks "buddy" or "pal" because I'm friendly, but it's really because I don't have a freakin' clue what the person's name is. So for me to remember someone from more than twenty years ago would certainly be an odd occurrence.

But for me to remember that person's husband...well, you can't even get odds on that from Vegas.

Several weeks ago Fiona and I were in White Hen Pantry after work getting a soda when the older gentleman walked in. The light bulb went off in my head--I knew that I should know who this person was, but as usual, I couldn't place the face. So, I took my next usual step, I asked Fiona who it was. She had no idea.

I just presumed I was wrong and didn't know the person, so while Fiona was gabbing with the girls behind the counter I went out to the car. As I was walking out to the car I passed another car, and thought I recognized the person in the passenger seat. Seeing as the driver's side window was open (and she was parked next to my car), I asked if she had been a teacher at South High.

She quickly said she had been, and we spoke for a few minutes. Not shockingly, at first she didn't remember me, but after mentioning a few of the people in the class she even remembered the table I sat at during vertebrae anatomy class I had her for.

I jokingly mentioned how bad I am with names and faces, and the oddity that I would recognize her husband--a person I'd met just twice, the last time in 1986. At this point he returned to their car and mentioned that we probably had last met at my senior prom (and it was).

Funny thing is, I don't remember much from my prom night.

I've just recently had another reunion--albeit an virtual one--with someone else I haven't seen in nearly twenty years. When Paul Howley was at That's Entertainment a few weeks ago, we were exchanging information about people each of us hadn't run into in awhile. One of those folks he talked about was a former employee of TE, David Lynch.

One of the things Paul mentioned many times was that David was writing in his blog the story of a friend called My Island, and that I should most certainly check it out. It was supposed to be a six part series, but it had already swollen to many more than that.

So the next morning (Sunday), while Fiona was at Weight Watchers, I started reading the story. It is mindbogglingly good, and I spent much of that morning reading all the parts available. It is an incredibly soul searching collection, free of the gloss that often accompanies stories where the writer plays a major role.

I don't want to give too much away, and I urge everyone to read it.

David is currently on chapter 23, but THIS LINK will take you to chapter one. For other chapters, simply click on the purple arrow next to "June" in his blog for a list of the other chapters. You should also read the comments (and leave one if you'd like)...there's some lighthearted stuff that offsets some of the darkness.

I left a comment for David after one of his posts, and after he's finished with the story I'll run him off an e-mail to really catch up. If there's one lesson I've learned in life, it's never interrupt a writer when he's busy.